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Cerebral Contents: Update for 05.13.08: Backsliding by Cynthia Ruth Lewis 05.05.08: Five Feet and Building by Joel Van Noord Grocery Aisle by Richard Lighthouse Cross the Road by Ashok Niyogi 04.29.08: The Modern Covenant by Daniel E. Wilcox Death by Onions by Michael Frissore 04.21.08: Future's Children by Kimberly Raiser Identity Theft by George Anderson A Great Deal of Money by Justin Hyde 04.14.08: Mr. Papaya and Dale by Eric Suhem California by Caroline Imreibe Aftermath of Vehement Argument #1,068 by Cynthia Ruth Lewis Trip-Hammer Vitality by Lisa Nickerson 04.07.08: The Florence of Basel, or Why Readers of Nietzsche Need to Read Burckhardt by Jeff Crouch Friends of the Poet by Sean C. Bowen Picture Perfect by Leah Baldwin 03.24.08: Staring Down a White-Tailed Doe by Aleathia Drehmer 03.17.08: The Hairbrush by Vernard Kennedy Dog Days of Winter by Niall Berkeley Poem From My Grave by Michael Lee Johnson Mashed Potatoes and Hamburgers by Matt Finney 03.10.08: Hard Work by Luis Cuauhtemoc Berriozabal Jetty Cake Pigs by J.D. Nelson |
The Twilight Fuck of Three by Hank Kirton
ROSABELLE: I lost two days of memory before I got to Courtesy House. I was very messed up on drugs. I do not know who took me there. Or if someone took me there. I took a lot of drugs such as LSD, PCP, cocaine, heroin, mushrooms, speed and I smoked a lot [of] grass at that time. I did not drink at all at that time. ME: Nothing seems real right now. And nothing is real. I'm crawling on the beach, exhausted, a dripping fist of seaweed. But not really. TOMMY: My brother hated the war protesters. That was the only thing that really made him mad. When he was watching the television news and footage of some anti-war rally or peace march came on, that's when my brother's blood would boil. He'd get out of his chair and clench and unclench his fists and go get another beer and not come back until the commercials came on. He didn't talk about it. He just got mad. ROSABELLE: Courtesy House is run by Miss Donna Raspberry. My first day at Courtesy House, Miss Raspberry told me, "We are going to take care of you, but you have to carry your weight. We don't give anybody a free ride. You must work and follow [the] plan..." ME: I'm three, seeing the ocean for the first time; an immense, azure universe that stretches forever. It's beautiful and profound and frightening. I don't know what to think. The words vast and infinite and awestruck aren't in my vocabulary yet so I can't use them. TOMMY: My brother took Wendy to a party. A bunch of kids drove out to the sand pits, in back of Fulcrum's Farm. They had a couple kegs and built a bonfire and I guess a lot of people showed up and everybody got pretty loaded. Some guy named Larry started in on Vietnam. Started making a speech. I wasn't there, but I heard he was pretty obnoxious about it. Talking about Nixon and the repeal of Ton Kin and Mai Lai and other stuff. My brother usually kept a cool head around people like that. He wasn't an instigator. But, like I said, there was a lot of drinking going on and my brother did like his beer. ROSABELLE: [Miss] Raspberry said, "We are going to heal you now, Rosabelle, take off your clothes." I did what I was told. I did not know what to do. I took off my clothes and the other [members of] Courtesy House all touched me and rubbed me with their hands. There were six people that rubbed me with their hands. I did not feel healed. When it was over I felt very degraded. I did not know how to feel. ME: I don't want to go in the water. I'm terrified. The ocean is too big, too violent, too threatening. "Come on, honey. It's okay. See? See, daddy's in the water!" My dad is out there; a dark little head bobbing in the giant waves like a piece of cork. But not really. TOMMY: My brother started getting really pissed off at this guy, Larry. He just kept going on and on. I think my brother was also getting upset because most of the people at the party seemed to agree with what Larry was saying. He hated the fact that people who'd never been in Vietnam would listen to other people who'd never been there like they were experts, like they knew something. When really, they didn't know shit. ROSABELLE: [Miss Raspberry] was sometimes very nice but sometimes she was cruel. They did not give me drugs at Courtesy House and I felt very sick. I could not sleep or eat for many days and I vomited and had diarrhea and my body had many aches and pains. Miss Raspberry and the other people in the group tried to heal me by touching me and rubbing me with their hands. I was naked for this. I did not know what to do and I was afraid to resist. This went on for several days. ME: I walk slowly to the creeping edge of the ocean, holding my mother's hand. A sudden shock of cold water grabs my ankles and tugs me as it recedes, burying my feet in the wet sand. It wants to eat me. I look up at my mother, scared and uncertain. She smiles and leads me further in. Somehow, I manage to keep from crying. But not really. TOMMY: So, my brother finally reached his breaking point. He walked over to Larry and said, "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about." Just like that. Got right in his face and said, "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about!" ROSABELLE: Miss Raspberry told me I was not healing because the drugs had killed all my orgasms. She said I had to "build" my orgasms back so that I could heal. I did not know what to think about this at that time. It was crazy. But I did not know what to think. ME: I'm up to my knees in the rushing white foam. When the breakwater hits me, my mom lifts me and I kick my legs and rise up, floating. And then a big wave hits us and I slip out of my mom's hand and the ocean grabs me and pulls me in. But not really. TOMMY: Larry was startled at first. He said, "Who the hell are you, man?" My brother told him his name. He told Larry he was full of shit. That he didn't know what he was talking about and that maybe he should keep his ignorant nigger mouth shut. See, Larry was a black guy. ROSABELLE: Sometimes Miss Raspberry came in my room at night. She did not talk or touch me. She sat on the floor and looked at me. I pretended to be asleep. She looked at me all night. She did not say a word or move a muscle. In the morning she said she was "channeling" at me. I did not know what to think about this. ME: I'm stranded out to sea. Huge waves crash against me; the toppling curl, the force, the smash. They knock me down and pull me under. They grind me into the sand and hold me there. I'm struggling and strangling; turning in violent somersaults until I can't hold my breath anymore and I'm going to drown and die. But not really. TOMMY: My brother wasn't a racist. He didn't hold any hatred for anybody. The word just slipped out because he was mad and drunk. But the other people at the party didn't see it that way. They didn't understand. They got really pissed off and self-righteous and a couple of guys started shoving him, getting in his face. You know those stories about guys coming back from Vietnam and getting spit on? That stuff really happened. It happened that night to my brother. ROSABELLE: They made films at Courtesy House. "Therapy films" they called them. I did not like this aspect because I am camera shy. The people at Courtesy House had sexual relations during the therapy sessions. I did not like this aspect of it either. Sometimes they filmed this. They filmed me several times while I was naked. I was ashamed of this but I did not know what to do. I was afraid. Miss Raspberry was very threatening towards me at times. I did not know what to do. ME: I scream in terror and suck freezing salt water into my lungs and my head becomes quiet and filled with dark galaxies. My body goes numb and I think, "I'm going to die, right now..." But not really. TOMMY: My brother started swinging at the guys around him. I know he broke one guy's nose. My brother was pretty tough. He took two years of boxing at the YMCA. He was a good fighter. But he was surrounded and they overpowered him and, probably because they were all pretty loaded, my brother ended up falling into the fire. He landed face first and his clothes and skin caught fire almost immediately. ROSABELLE: A lot of [the members of] Courtesy House came down with diseases. Many people had crabs too. I found this very disgusting. I came down with crabs. Miss Raspberry kept boxes of A-200 in the bathroom. At the end I came down with VD. I was very disgusted by this. I was scared. I did not know what to do or where to go. ME: I come back to life on the beach, vomiting seawater all over myself. A big worried, bearded face is looming over me, I feel sure he's been kissing me. "He's breathing!" he says. But not really. TOMMY: They pulled my brother out of the fire. I know two guys who got second-degree burns on their hands. I guess I'm grateful to them, even though they were assholes and if it weren't for them my brother wouldn't have gotten burned in the first place. Somebody found a blanket and soaked it in water from a cooler and they covered my brother up. He was screaming and screaming. Someone ran over to Fulcrum's Farm and called an ambulance. ROSABELLE: I came down with syphilis. I had many sores on my body. I was very horrified and disgusted by this. Miss Raspberry made everybody who came down with symptoms go see Dr. K________. He treated everyone at Courtesy House. After I was treated by Dr. K_______, I did not return to Courtesy House. I was too afraid to go back. I am glad I did not go back. When the newspapers and TV found out what was happening at Courtesy House, it was a very big story. Many members of Courtesy House were on the news. Miss Raspberry was arrested. The newspapers called her a sexual deviant. I had to testify in court but I was not on the news. I was glad about this because I am camera shy. ME: Nothing seems real right now. And nothing is real. I'm crawling on the beach, exhausted, a dripping fist of seaweed. But not really. TOMMY: My brother suffered third-degree burns on ninety percent of his body. His face and chest took the worst of it. He hasn't left the house in over thirty years. He only lets the family see him. I don't think he's unhappy. He has his TV and books and music. His hands are pretty much useless. He reads a lot. He just finished reading Moby Dick and that's a long book. That's a hard book to read.
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