The Cerebral Catalyst

You weren't the person
And I am so fucking discontented
You weren't the person
And I am Miss Misery
like you said
You weren't the person
And I tried to make you
Pick apart your psyche
with a spatula and a fork
just like that
I tried to take the pieces
Of you apart
Like a broken alarm clock
I was trying to make you
Make me
Wake up
But I see now
That I've been hibernating
for some time nowadays

One time you said I was clumsy
One time you said I was fat
One time you asked
What do you contribute?
Write your little poems all day?
And you were right
so I cried

I cover my mouth
With my hand
I dig my nails
Into my face
I fuck up
Dinner parties
Because I always
Pick my nose
I fuck up train rides
Because I always talk too loud
I embarrass you in front of your mother
Your best friend
I tell your secrets to strangers
I rob you of your own opinion
I rob you of your own ability to speak
I smoke all your cigarettes
And ash all over the carpet

It's a miracle that you put up with me
Seriously
I am so fucked.

______________________________________
Zoe Alexandra's writing has been published in Best Lesbian Erotica 2007 (Cleis Press), My Time — Lunch Book (Poet Plant Press), Zygote in My Coffee, The Commonline Project, Instant Pussy, Mad Swirl, Deconstruction Quarterly, Silenced Press and forthcoming poems will appear in Remark, Pink Elephants on Review, Word Riot and Debris Magazine.

posted 12.10.07.

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